Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
