i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
