My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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