Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
