My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
