no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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