I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
