Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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