I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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