Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
