I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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