how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
