I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
