She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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