my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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