It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
