there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
