what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
