i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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