I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
