Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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