I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
