im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
