I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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