He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
