It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
