yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
