Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just puked most of my soul out..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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