Jerry, you need to find god
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
