I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
