I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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