How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
