its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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