How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
