you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
