Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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