5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
