I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
