im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
