there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
