I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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