I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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