you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
