It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i think my cat just said my name.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
