Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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