I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
