I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
