I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
