is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i now understand why vodka
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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