Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
