all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
