Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You pole danced in your parka.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
