I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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