I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
