after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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