Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
